I'm Pregnant! (According to Arizona).

Over the course of the past week, yet another governmental flub has caused me to want to move to another country. Permanently.

What? You may ask. There is so much to choose from- "legitimate" rape, abortion is wrong no matter what (even in cases of incest and rape), and one man believes that the South will secede from the United States, etc.

This time, it's none of those. A new law was signed and is scheduled to go into affect in Arizona. According to this law, pregnancy is considered to begin two weeks before conception (due to gestational periods). So, essentially, a woman is pregnant two weeks before she has sex and gets pregnant.

I either missed an odd joke or the invention of the time machine.

Following this logic, if a woman is pregnant before she is pregnant, every woman is pregnant!

I get to be pregnant without actually being pregnant! (I called my dad and congratulated him on being a grandpa by Arizona standards).

I can park in the "expectant mother" spots closer to stores.
I don't need a reason for chocolate. At 3am. Go get it.
What did you do today? I made a human.


See? I get all of the benefits of pregnancy without actually having to have an abortion or a kid!

Yeah, I'm happy.


But, actually, I'm not pregnant. Not in reality. Nor is anyone else pregnant two weeks before conception. I know this is an invention of political rhetoric used to further limit the amount of time in which a woman can have an abortion, but, COME ON! I couldn't die two weeks before I crashed while driving my car, why can I be pregnant before conceiving? Or anyone else for that matter?


What do you think? Please let me know.


For more information:
http://www.examiner.com/article/new-law-arizona-states-pregnancy-begins-two-weeks-before-conception?fb_comment_id=fbc_10151017873895264_23842687_10151024499090264#f33cdc101c

Learning to be a Jew

Sparknotes version of my life:

Dad was born and raised Jewish.
He converted to Christianity during college.
Mom is a Christian- always was.
I was raised Christian and know little to nothing about Judaism.

Today, as a college sophomore, I went to my first Hillel meeting. Let me just say that I have NO IDEA what is going on. But I am excited to learn. It's time to put the pieces of my ancestry together and understand what it means to be a Jew.

Initial things I thought were awesome upon first sight:

1. Female Rabbi. I come from a church background where women aren't allowed to be pastors within the denomination. I really like to see women in leadership roles.

2. Obama buttons. My reaction- "so liberalism isn't condemned as evil here? Yay!"

3. Everyone was super friendly!


In reality, I have no idea what to do, what to say, how to participate in celebrations, what to call people, what ceremonial items are named, etc. I have a lot to learn. Guess it's time to get started.

Top 10 Signs College Has Started Again

1. Dining halls are full- mostly of dazed looking newcomers who are trying to look as though they are not newcomers.

2. Groups of students are walking in packs/ flocks so as to reach their class/ other destination while feeling relatively safe and popular.

3. Lots of signs appear on sorority houses relating to how freshmen boys are welcome... some seeming more menacing than others.

4. Hickeys! Hickeys everywhere!

5. There is that ONE KID who is excited for class, meanwhile everyone else is bemoaning the fact that they had to wake up before noon.

6. People, especially girls, tend to dress nicely so as to impress peers. At least, for the first week or so.

7. Returnee students have already given up on dressing nicely and are happy to acquire as much sleep and food as possible.

8. Every store in the surrounding area is sold out. Of everything.

9. People of all ages, races, and creeds are using maps.

10. Happiness is in the air until homework lands.

"Legitimate" Rape

In case you don't follow American politics (I can't blame you), I will explain briefly what happened on August 19th 2012. Congressmen Todd Akin was asked about his views regarding whether or not women who are raped should be permitted to have abortions.

Let's pause for a minute- this is a huge issue in American politics today. As a general rule, Republicans are for the pro-life movement and Democrats support the pro-choice movement.

Republican Congressmen Todd Akin responded that in cases of "legitimate" rape, women's bodies have a way of shutting down and preventing her from becoming pregnant. In other words, if a woman has a child as a result of rape, a "legitimate" rape did not occur, and the woman must have wanted the sex on some level.

                                                     

Problem?

Where do I start?

Where is the "shut off pregnancy" button and why aren't more teenagers using it? How does a "legitimate" rape differ from an "illegitimate" one?

Here is where I get offended and snarky-


So, if a woman isn't pregnant as a result of sex, should we assume that a "legitimate" rape occurred? If that is true, should we assume that he has been "legitimately" raping his wife for years? As far as I know she has never had a kid.

Alright, I am done offending his family. To be fair, he has offended millions of women who have gotten pregnant as a result of rape and made them seem somewhat at fault for what happened to them. Don't worry, at least he isn't involved in politics, oh wait...

Random

Questions that have been on my mind lately...



Who said summer could end? They must be hunted down...

Where did this cold come from? Not. Cool. *sniffle*

Why do people like Ronald Reagan and quote him? He did a lot of damage; just ask Latin America.

What is wrong with being a Christian and voting for Barack Obama? Is one mutually exclusive? If so- where is that set in stone?

What the hell is wrong with swearing?

Does school have to start?

Can I just sleep through early classes?

Can early classes cater to me and change to a more preferable time?

Reasons Why I am an Old Cat Lady in Training

I'm not old. Yet.  But I love my cats (specifically the small new one) more than I probably should. But, come on, how can you not love those faces?

Q Flarp

I was in choir in high school. While I could go on for hours about choir experiences and probably bore you to death in the meantime, I just have one quick memory.

My choir director, V, had multiple good sayings. He was the awesome kind of teacher that you were a bit afraid of freshmen year and wanted to invite to your grad party senior year. He was just that much a part of our lives.

One of my favorite quotes of his was repeated often. Whenever the choir would go horribly off-key, V would scrunch his face, sigh, rub his forehead and tell us that we had entered into the key of Q Flarp. Admittedly, I have yet to fully capture what he meant. To me, the key of Q Flarp is a place that's a little weird. Sometimes you hit the wrong notes, you sigh, scrunch your face, and you start over.

As what grown-ups label a "young adult," I find myself in the key of Q Flarp quite often. As annoying as it is, and as much as it bothers those around me, it gives me a place to start fresh. Or, at least, a place from which I can work towards the right key.

Welcome to the key of Q Flarp.

Vandalism is International

Bergen area, Norway

Mind Reading- Thoughts Behind Faces

                                               I don't wanna smile. Feed me. Then we'll talk.

I don't wanna smile. Feed me. Then we'll talk

OMG FOOD

I only model for money.

Why am I so pale?

Nooooo! Don't eat me!

Wait! So Norway ISN'T the capital of Sweden?

My boyfriend made a pun.

If I hug my knees and smile maybe the camera will go away.

.........

Soon!.....

Rhode-Assachusetts

The United States of America. It's a rather grand title if you think about it. For such a relatively young country, it has a bold name that expresses the unity of its fifty states. As the United States continues to expand and acquire new territories, its current leaders contemplate adding more states to the nation. While that is alright by itself, the idea of unbalancing the wonderful, even number of 50 states bothers me.

Ergo, I humbly recommend that we combine two small, pre-existing states into one state if we are to add another territory to the country.

While some of my friends recommended that we combine the Carolinas or the Dakotas into one (as they would be the simplest) I feel that lacks style. I believe that it would be best to combine the states of Rhode Island and Massachusetts- that's right-

                   Rhode-Assachusetts 

Why? I could give a bunch of reasons-

- Both states are part of the original 13 colonies.
- They are RIGHT NEXT to each other
-Both states are small enough that, when combined, they would not be disproportionately large in relation to the surrounding states.

In reality though-

It sounds funny.

I would love to fill out that I live in the state of Rhode-Assachusetts on all legal forms, SAT tests, letter envelopes, and more. Every time I say it I giggle.

Next time we add a state to the union, please please please let it be the lang of the free and the home of the brave- Rhode- Assachusetts.

Pet Peeve- Part 1

I cannot claim that I have A pet peeve. I'm far too annoying of a person to be unnecessarily bothered by just one thing. I have multiple- and though I cannot think of them all right now, I am sure that they will come to me with time.

One that has been on my mind recently is marriage. I'm not opposed to marriage- get married if you want; I don't mind. Man, woman, (NOT CHILD), whatever. Go for it. My specific issue with marriage is a temporary one-

My friends are thinking about it. Not just thinking of some far-off future, but wanting to get married soon. This would be significantly more okay with me if one of two conditions were fulfilled-

1. We were over the age of 22.
2. We were living in the nineteenth century or earlier.

As neither of those requirements have been fulfilled this far, I feel totally fine sighing and feeling spasms of fear in my stomach when I imagine the idea of getting married young. I suppose there is nothing wrong with it as a general rule, but when I think of my very close friends getting married young, it freaks me the hell out. I'm not ready to be Mrs. Anyone! And being a part of my friend's wedding if it takes place before college graduation would resonate in my head alongside my grandpa warning me not to get fat.

 Yay! candy...

And if my friends get married young, it will be even stranger to become "Aunt Hannah" after a while. Uhm, please not yet.

I want to come up with a list of alternatives for getting married young, although if you want to get married, I sure won't be the one to stop you. I will just shrivel inside a bit if you are a close friend and super young.

Alternatives-
-Sky dive. Often.
-Say you will get married after a successfully played game of Monopoly
- Read all of the Harry Potter books along with the corresponding chapters of Pottermore (you will be done in like 30 years or so).
- Already have an expensive education? GET ANOTHER ONE! Why not? What's a few dozen thousand dollars more in loans...?
-Think the economy sucks? Make a new one.
-Actually clean your room (just kidding)!




SO, in closing-
If you are a close friend of mine who is contemplating getting married young, I will try to get over the whole "pet peeve" thing and support you. But, remember, you could wait until you finish a game of monopoly first.

Distraction

Why is it that whenever I sit down to write down what I am thinking about...?


Think is a funny word. But anything sounds funny when you say it five times fast. THINK THINK THINK THINK THINK!!!!!

Speaking of fast- how fast can you say "think" in miles per hour?

On that note, why does the USA use miles instead of kilometers? Do we just NEED to be different or something? We might as well get on the same page as the rest of the world.

Speaking of the rest of the world- I'm sorry, but I just can't explain why American politics are so messed up. The worse it gets, the more I feel like identifying myself as Canadian.

On the other hand, being Canadian would mean that I would have to be more accepting of the concept of snow and just being cold in general.

Winter is Coming!


Seriously though- why can't I just finish a single thou.......?

Brown Pill Week

I would consider this awkward if half of the world didn't go through the same thing.

Ladies, lets be truthful- brown pill week sucks.

You know, when you get to the 4th week of your birth control package and you get to the placebo pills. First off: you are already on your period so you are annoyed at the concept of taking a stupid placebo. Second: it tastes like crap wrapped in anxiety-filled nightmares.

Perhaps I would find the idea of a placebo more appealing if I already wasn't cursing my gender's bane; but, no, it just tastes awful. Why couldn't it taste like chocolate? Happiness? Summer?

When I mentioned my hatred of periods to my host dad (a Costa Rican evangelical pastor) he asked me if I was questioning the way that God made me. He should have known better. Of course I answered "yes. Trust me, God and I will have a conversation about this." Host dad wasn't amused. Men just don't understand...