The Downside of Modesty

When I was growing up, the religious institution I attended taught me to dress modestly in order to better please god and not cause men to 'stumble' into any unnecessary temptation. Ignoring the religious reasons associated with modesty, I find one major flaw in the idea of telling girls to dress modestly. If someone chooses to dress that way, great; good for them! But telling people, often young girls, that they need to dress modestly for others' sake makes for one big issue:

Girls are taught to feel that they are dressing 'wrong'. That they need to hide their body for other people's sake. In a culture in which many teenage girls are unhappy about how they look, it seems dangerous to tell girls through yet another venue that they are not dressing correctly. Bodies become something shameful, something to hide. While there are many great personal reasons for choosing to dress in such a way, telling a twelve year old girl that wearing a short skirt is wrong because a fourteen year old boy might stare at her seems absurd. Fourteen year old boys are going to stare no matter what; just like twelve year old girls. Forcing modesty on girls, even if it is just by telling them that it is "the right thing to do" causes girls to focus on their physical appearance and the way they dress more than they already would be, creating anxiety.

If I wear this skirt will it make boys uncomfortable?

What's the rule about how low-cut my shirt can be again?

Is wearing a bikini wrong?

Are my shorts too short?


I both heard and thought some of these questions during my earlier teenage years. I wish someone had told me, when I was twelve, that dressing to keep someone from looking at you really just creates issues  that would not have been there otherwise. I applaud girls who choose to dress in the manner that they dress (modestly, sexy, or in a full feather bird costume) for themselves. I just have a problem with continually telling young girls that modesty is something that they should be concerned about. I would prefer that our time be spent teaching young teens that their bodies are normal and don't necessarily need to be hidden from the world.