I'm Pregnant! (According to Arizona).

Over the course of the past week, yet another governmental flub has caused me to want to move to another country. Permanently.

What? You may ask. There is so much to choose from- "legitimate" rape, abortion is wrong no matter what (even in cases of incest and rape), and one man believes that the South will secede from the United States, etc.

This time, it's none of those. A new law was signed and is scheduled to go into affect in Arizona. According to this law, pregnancy is considered to begin two weeks before conception (due to gestational periods). So, essentially, a woman is pregnant two weeks before she has sex and gets pregnant.

I either missed an odd joke or the invention of the time machine.

Following this logic, if a woman is pregnant before she is pregnant, every woman is pregnant!

I get to be pregnant without actually being pregnant! (I called my dad and congratulated him on being a grandpa by Arizona standards).

I can park in the "expectant mother" spots closer to stores.
I don't need a reason for chocolate. At 3am. Go get it.
What did you do today? I made a human.


See? I get all of the benefits of pregnancy without actually having to have an abortion or a kid!

Yeah, I'm happy.


But, actually, I'm not pregnant. Not in reality. Nor is anyone else pregnant two weeks before conception. I know this is an invention of political rhetoric used to further limit the amount of time in which a woman can have an abortion, but, COME ON! I couldn't die two weeks before I crashed while driving my car, why can I be pregnant before conceiving? Or anyone else for that matter?


What do you think? Please let me know.


For more information:
http://www.examiner.com/article/new-law-arizona-states-pregnancy-begins-two-weeks-before-conception?fb_comment_id=fbc_10151017873895264_23842687_10151024499090264#f33cdc101c

Learning to be a Jew

Sparknotes version of my life:

Dad was born and raised Jewish.
He converted to Christianity during college.
Mom is a Christian- always was.
I was raised Christian and know little to nothing about Judaism.

Today, as a college sophomore, I went to my first Hillel meeting. Let me just say that I have NO IDEA what is going on. But I am excited to learn. It's time to put the pieces of my ancestry together and understand what it means to be a Jew.

Initial things I thought were awesome upon first sight:

1. Female Rabbi. I come from a church background where women aren't allowed to be pastors within the denomination. I really like to see women in leadership roles.

2. Obama buttons. My reaction- "so liberalism isn't condemned as evil here? Yay!"

3. Everyone was super friendly!


In reality, I have no idea what to do, what to say, how to participate in celebrations, what to call people, what ceremonial items are named, etc. I have a lot to learn. Guess it's time to get started.

Top 10 Signs College Has Started Again

1. Dining halls are full- mostly of dazed looking newcomers who are trying to look as though they are not newcomers.

2. Groups of students are walking in packs/ flocks so as to reach their class/ other destination while feeling relatively safe and popular.

3. Lots of signs appear on sorority houses relating to how freshmen boys are welcome... some seeming more menacing than others.

4. Hickeys! Hickeys everywhere!

5. There is that ONE KID who is excited for class, meanwhile everyone else is bemoaning the fact that they had to wake up before noon.

6. People, especially girls, tend to dress nicely so as to impress peers. At least, for the first week or so.

7. Returnee students have already given up on dressing nicely and are happy to acquire as much sleep and food as possible.

8. Every store in the surrounding area is sold out. Of everything.

9. People of all ages, races, and creeds are using maps.

10. Happiness is in the air until homework lands.

"Legitimate" Rape

In case you don't follow American politics (I can't blame you), I will explain briefly what happened on August 19th 2012. Congressmen Todd Akin was asked about his views regarding whether or not women who are raped should be permitted to have abortions.

Let's pause for a minute- this is a huge issue in American politics today. As a general rule, Republicans are for the pro-life movement and Democrats support the pro-choice movement.

Republican Congressmen Todd Akin responded that in cases of "legitimate" rape, women's bodies have a way of shutting down and preventing her from becoming pregnant. In other words, if a woman has a child as a result of rape, a "legitimate" rape did not occur, and the woman must have wanted the sex on some level.

                                                     

Problem?

Where do I start?

Where is the "shut off pregnancy" button and why aren't more teenagers using it? How does a "legitimate" rape differ from an "illegitimate" one?

Here is where I get offended and snarky-


So, if a woman isn't pregnant as a result of sex, should we assume that a "legitimate" rape occurred? If that is true, should we assume that he has been "legitimately" raping his wife for years? As far as I know she has never had a kid.

Alright, I am done offending his family. To be fair, he has offended millions of women who have gotten pregnant as a result of rape and made them seem somewhat at fault for what happened to them. Don't worry, at least he isn't involved in politics, oh wait...

Random

Questions that have been on my mind lately...



Who said summer could end? They must be hunted down...

Where did this cold come from? Not. Cool. *sniffle*

Why do people like Ronald Reagan and quote him? He did a lot of damage; just ask Latin America.

What is wrong with being a Christian and voting for Barack Obama? Is one mutually exclusive? If so- where is that set in stone?

What the hell is wrong with swearing?

Does school have to start?

Can I just sleep through early classes?

Can early classes cater to me and change to a more preferable time?

Reasons Why I am an Old Cat Lady in Training

I'm not old. Yet.  But I love my cats (specifically the small new one) more than I probably should. But, come on, how can you not love those faces?

Q Flarp

I was in choir in high school. While I could go on for hours about choir experiences and probably bore you to death in the meantime, I just have one quick memory.

My choir director, V, had multiple good sayings. He was the awesome kind of teacher that you were a bit afraid of freshmen year and wanted to invite to your grad party senior year. He was just that much a part of our lives.

One of my favorite quotes of his was repeated often. Whenever the choir would go horribly off-key, V would scrunch his face, sigh, rub his forehead and tell us that we had entered into the key of Q Flarp. Admittedly, I have yet to fully capture what he meant. To me, the key of Q Flarp is a place that's a little weird. Sometimes you hit the wrong notes, you sigh, scrunch your face, and you start over.

As what grown-ups label a "young adult," I find myself in the key of Q Flarp quite often. As annoying as it is, and as much as it bothers those around me, it gives me a place to start fresh. Or, at least, a place from which I can work towards the right key.

Welcome to the key of Q Flarp.