All of the Reasons My Former Church Would Consider Me "Negative Example 'B'" on How to go to College.

1. Not only did I choose a non-religiously affiliated school, I chose a "party school."

- Where are you going to college, Hannah?

- *insert school name here*

- That bastion of sin and depravity?
- yep! That's the one!


2. I'm pro gay-rights.

I feel that everyone should be allowed to be as terrified as I am about the concept of possibly planning a wedding. Also, there are no legal reasons not to, just moral ones...


3. I decided that the whole "saving sex for marriage" thing is no longer important to me.

I guess I just have bigger things to worry about.


4. I'm LOUD about the fact that I am going to vote for President Obama.

YAY PRESIDENT OBAMA! YAY YAY YAY!


5. I swear, especially if it adds to whatever I want to say.

Hell yeah.


6. I could worry about dressing modestly.

Or I could wear a bikini while I am young and fit enough to. Ditto for revealing dresses. They only look good for so long...


7. Psychological meds should be distributed only by a qualified physician.

I don't care whether or not said physician believes in God. As long as they know what medication people need, I'm happy.


8. I don't plan on going back.

And if I do, I want to wear an Obama 2012 t-shirt.

Signs You Are Not Getting Enough Sleep

- The bags under your eyes have their own bags under them.
- You do not immediately understand your friends' dirty jokes.
- Waking up is the enemy- more than usual.
- You can't remember when you last ate, your social security number, your anniversary, or anything else that you might get asked about at any second.
- The snooze button would be the love of your life if it only lasted longer.
- Your stoner friends say you look 'out of it'.
- You aren't sure what language you are speaking but it sure as hell isn't English.
- You start thinking that things like talking to your ex, ignoring warning labels on flammable objects, and ignoring any and all dietary restrictions are ok. They're not.
- Brief existential moments are broken up by bouts of keeping your eyes from closing.
- You read each sentence again. You read each sentence again. You read each senten...
- Not only are pillows, mattresses, and blankets treacherous- hardwood floors, pavement, and strangers' laps are as well.
- It's Midterm Week

Signs that Love/ Tests are in the Air on Campus

1. No one is sleeping. The bags under students' eyes could stock Wal-Mart for a day and a half.

2. You wake up the next morning full of regret.

3. You aren't sure how or when you got to bed, but you aren't completely wearing pajamas.

4. People are either holding hands to show affection, or to try and convince one another that they will, in fact, survive their test.

5. You can't pay attention to anything. At all.

6. Everything else in your life including your friends, fern, and pet fish have been neglected.

7. Suddenly the outside world seems wonderful and inviting... even if it's raining.